Counting Down

At the end of this month, I officially become unemployed. I've talked about it before, and while there are still some lingering mixed emotions, for the most part, I'm ready to be done and out of here. My employer extended my position for one more month before it transitions to California, so I could finish up fiscal year end programs and tasks. Unfortunately, IT never got the word, and they shut off my network account. I still can't get back into many of the systems I need to complete the tasks I stayed on for. It's been frustrating, but on the plus side, it's given me a few weeks where I was able to work on and wrap up two of my manuscripts.

I got good news about one this morning- the third book in my Marchand BDSM romance series has been accepted by Sizzler Editions. Sadly, I still don't have a title, but I have a few ideas (and if anyone has any suggestions, I'll take them! lol) It's an equestrian eventing set tale, which is why coming up with a title has been a bit tricky – horses, BDSM - wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea! :D  I don't have any further information yet, but will be sharing as I get it.

I also wrapped up Warrior's Wrath and sent that off to Pink Flamingo, though now I'm in a bit of a panic because I think I left something out of a scene, but I'm not looking. I figure my editor will point it out if I did and since there's nothing I can do about it at the moment, no use making myself sick over it unless I really have to.

I've also been spending the last several days revising The Night Club – my next vampire romance. This book has been in the works for a very long time. I first wrote it shortly after I finished The Taste of Magic, in 2003! Various events conspired to knock me out of the writing game for a bit – the unexpected pregnancy with my son and his infant and toddler years, specifically. Babies take a brutal toll on the creative juices. Thankfully, we're done with those days.

In any case, when I got back to writing, I took a huge detour from that book and tried something new. Some of you know I tested myself by writing a very popular Harry Potter fan fiction (Dramione, anyone?). It got such a good response that the darn thing took on a life of its own and really helped my confidence (I will advise you don't go looking for it, it's been removed from all the sites where it once appeared).  From there, the Marchand series was born. One thing led to another, and I wrote Warrior's Vengeance, which was another book I started back in my early days. Since my goals and genres changed drastically, I didn't give the vampire book a second thought.

Until I re-released The Taste of Magic. It did very well, so I dusted off The Night Club and decided to revise it. Turns out, this baby needs a whole lot of re-writing. Not only was it written back when my voice was significantly different, there are a lot of issues with the writing in general. Too much passive voice, more telling than I'd prefer, and plotlines that go off in all sorts of directions. I've been deleting a lot of things, streamlining the plot and cutting down on the word count. It's still over 90K at this point, but I suspect it'll wrap up around 80-85K when all is said and done.

Once that's complete, I'll be starting my next series, which I talked about before – Vikings! I have plots for two books. The History Channel show has inspired me so much, and last week's episode was particularly awesome! Hail Earl Ragnar!  lol  I'm inspired, motivated and excited to get started. And with the next several months of actually having time to write, I'm salivating waiting for May to come!

End of an Era - and Vikings!

It's been real quiet around here lately! As usual, things are hairy. My last post addressed the fact I'm about to become unemployed, and that reality has resulted in some pretty insane weeks. I'm busier than ever preparing to transition my job and responsibilities to someone else in another division, and it's made me take a good hard look at all that I do here. I don't think even I realized just how much that was! I was asked to stay for an additional month to help complete the transition, and I agreed to that, because I just can't drop overnight what I've spent so many years working so hard at. I figure the extra month will help me be able to let it go a little easier – though I'll admit, I didn't expect to be so damn possessive! It's the end of an era for me, and a beginning of a new one, though clearly, I still have mixed emotions about the whole situation. But I am looking forward to being home for a little while and having the time to focus on other things.

Specifically, writing. I currently have two completed books I am doing a final pass on – another vampire tale that has been in the works and close to finished for what seems like forever, and the next paranormal involving magic and magical people. And there's another historical in the works as well, though it's taking longer to get finished than I'd thought it would. The goal is to be done with those three by the time I am done with the day job, because my next writing goal is to start another series.

I've been watching the new History Channel series, Vikings. And while I've had plans for a Viking trilogy for some time, watching this show has thrust those ideas to the forefront. I am loving almost everything about it – even the at-times disturbing violence. I like the gritty reality portrayed, and the characters are compelling and complex – and based on real historical figures..

Of course, it doesn't hurt that Ragnar (Travis Fimmel) is sexy as hell! And his wife Lagertha is as coolly kick-ass as he is. I love their chemistry – that scene where they're fighting, and she's beating the crap out of him, and he's not holding back either, but it's turning them both on – damn, sexiest thing I've seen on basic cable in forever! I'm looking forward to exploring the perceptions and realities of the women of the time, because it's so different from so many other cultures.

The villains are properly villainous – I've always been a fan of Gabriel Byrne, but I really loathe him here (that's a good thing, BTW), though I do like the clues we get as to what makes him tick. But I'm really liking Rollo, Ragnar's brother, a lot. He's showing many signs he could be a villain to reckon with, and since I am particularly partial to villains, I'm drawn to that side of his character and can't wait to see how far over the line his dark side evolves. Hopefully not so far that he ends up dead before the first season's over.

I'm learning quite a bit about both versions of the characters – the TV version and the real versions, though even the real versions are usually steeped in myth and often a combination of more than one real historical person.

When I first thought about writing a Viking trilogy, probably about a year ago, I added the idea to my spreadsheet, and a couple of lines about what direction I thought the first book might take. I've kept some of that, but watching this show has made the ideas sprout with vengeance. Between watching and digging into the history behind the series, I now have plots for the first two books.  I'll need to do more research, which I'm looking forward to, but come May, I plan on starting that series, and will actually have the time to devote to it.

Not Conducive to Writing

When I started this blog, I wondered what I would talk about, and felt weird using it to talk about me. Yet, that seems to be exactly what happened. Guess I'm not as wary of sharing as I thought I'd be! :)

In any case, I suppose the title of this post could refer to any number of things. For me, it's the actual number of things going on that causes it. Since November, my average per day is running around only several hundred words a day, though I've made some editing/revision process on both WIPs. But the crazy life has gotten in the way – my two hours at night have been lackluster, both because I have other, more urgent things that need my attention or I'm so exhausted.

First we had our Disney trip, which is recounted elsewhere on the blog, then my son's birthday, then the holidays were upon us. Usually a tough time to get writing done between working and prepping for all that, but I tend to make up for it during the week my office closes for winter break. Not this year.

This year's winter break consisted of prep for my daughter's Sweet 16 party (which is a few hours away now!). These days, a Sweet 16 is much like a wedding – you rent a hall or catering facility, get a DJ, photographer, flowers, favors and the like. We're having a candle ceremony, so you need a fancy candelabra (thank you Name With Flame – you bailed my ass out big time!). There's invitations to send, and logging response cards, then seating arrangements, picking out specific songs (for each candle recipient, the video/photo montage of daughter's life, and the father/daughter dance), deciding on the menu, and so much more. At least, this has given me some experience for when the day comes to plan a real wedding!

Since January, I've made several trips to the pediatrician with both kids – recurring bronchitis, stomach issues, etc. That's been weighing on me a bit – this season, we've so far avoided the flu (only half of us got flu shots) but seem to have been hit with everything else. Was just there again last night and wouldn't you know, day before the big bash, she's got bronchitis AGAIN!

Add to all that, the turmoil at the day job. Again, I addressed this in another post, but as each day passes, the fact that I will be losing my job at a company I worked at for 24 years becomes more of a reality. And while I do have excitement about the possibilities, especially as they pertain to my writing, I am also dealing with great sadness. My boss is my friend as well, and has been the best boss I think I've ever had. My "little group that could" has been a family outside of the home and we truly enjoy working together (with the exception of a couple batshit crazy ones. I'm sure many of you have seen my tweets of pure frustration and aggravation). It's a bit freaky knowing that comfort zone will soon be gone. That's where I go to keep my sanity and my brain sharp – it's sort of an escape from the home insanity, and the 8 hours a day are just enough to keep a sort-of balance between my various worlds.

So my progress has been minimal on the writing front (I know, in some ways I let it be that way, but my head can only handle so much without exploding), but I am consoling myself with the fact that it IS progress, no matter how slow. One by one, various obstacles will fall away, leaving me with less turmoil to deal with. I've lived through periods like this before, and I know how it ends up on the other side – usually with a book or two finished and another one or two underway.

Now THAT's something to look forward to!

A (Tarnished) Silver Lining?

This week, a lot of whispers, rumors and suspicion were finally put to rest.  After months and months of speculation and gossip going around the building at my day job, we learned that my particular department is splitting. More specifically, some of our product lines are going to be handled under another division, in California. Which means the remaining product line will roll up to another division as well. Which means just about all of us are out of jobs.

I have to say, until now, I've been lucky. I've always worked in a profitable group, or been in a position where I was truly needed to be able for my group to operate at a profit. For several years, this particular group was an amazing performer – we were one of the smallest staffed groups around, and we blew our numbers away and put profit on the bottom line year after year, usually in larger numbers than a lot of groups with bigger budgets and staffs did. We won all sorts of awards for our profitability, innovative ways to run the business and the way we closed big deals. It's nice to be part of a group in that position.

Things have turned a bit in last couple of years – for lots of factors that everyone has faced in some respect. The economy brought a general slowdown in business. Since we're a Japanese company, the natural disasters in 2011 in Japan and Thailand affected us adversely in several huge ways. There were other factors as well. But we were turning it around. Slowly, perhaps, but we definitely showed signs of improvement. And now they're giving it all to another part of the company.

I'll admit to being unhappy about this – after all, I've spent 24 years with this company, the last 16 with this particular group, so it is like my home and family in a lot of ways. I have the best boss ever, she, like me, is a working mom with kids of similar ages, and we get along in so many ways. The funny thing is her husband's family has a lot of connections to mine as well, so she almost really is like family. But I've built up a lot with this company besides that. Benefits, vacation time, and flexibility help me balance and take care of my family as I need to. I live close enough to go home for lunch! Not to mention, the feeling of belonging in the group and the company are a big part of this job too. Liking what I do and liking the people I do it with is another plus. So the idea of giving all that up and starting from scratch at this stage in my life is more than just a little unnerving. But hey, I'll deal. It's not like I have a choice. Besides, that 24 years definitely works in my favor for a lot of other things, like severance.

Then there's another side to this – the silver lining maybe I'm digging really deep for. I'll be home during the day – at least, most likely, for a while. A lot of things I've never been able to do because I work outside the home will now be do-able – participating and volunteering at school for my kids, working out in the mornings and finally getting back into the routine that I let fall by the wayside, grocery shopping when the stores are quieter than the times I normally have to go, cooking dinner fresh almost every day. And I can write!

The dream/goal has always been that one day I would be able to write full time. My best time to write is always mid-morning to early afternoon anyway, as I've proven to myself many many times over the years, so to be able to devote that time on a daily basis to writing is literally my dream come true. And now it looks like I might get the chance to actually do it, or at least see if I can make it work. So in that respect, I'm sort of looking forward to the end of my time here.

Then again, nothing is certain yet. While it's more likely than not I'll be unemployed come the spring, this is a big company and there are always opportunities. So with all the reorganizing going on, there's the chance I could find a landing spot. And everything will go on as usual. And the dream gets put on hold for a little bit longer. I have mixed emotions about that scenario as well. But it does take care of things like medical benefits, vacation time and the fact I have a daughter going to college in a couple of years. And now I'm super glad I spaced my kids 8 years apart, as unintentional as it may have been.

I suppose what's annoying me most about the whole thing is that the two hours I get to myself each evening before I pass out have been totally unproductive. The distraction is killing my motivation and focus. My two WIPs were going along gangbusters until the last two weeks. Now, I stare at the screen and my notes and still can't make it work. And I'm so damn close to wrapping one up for good! Figures. Of course, it doesn't help that there are a million things going on in our world too, so the idea of having 8 extra hours a day to manage it sure is appealing while I juggle everything and try to stay coherent and somewhat sane.

I feel like I'm standing at a fork in the road – except the choice isn't mine, I have to wait for someone to make it for me. I don't like not being the one in the driver's seat, though I'll admit, the unknown, as frightening as it can be, is also exciting. This could turn out to be a very defining moment.

New Year, Same Old Crap

The new year is supposed to be a time of renewal, beginnings, starting over, etc. In many ways, this proves true – I always find myself more motivated once the holidays are over, and a little less frenzied and hopefully calmer, with a brighter outlook on things.  Of course, considering I am now neck-deep in preparations for my daughter's Sweet 16 party, this year is not starting out as calmly as others.

Last year was in general a good year – I had two book releases and made significant progress on two other works. However, I also got royally kicked in the teeth by one of my publishers.

Anyone who's following this blog probably doesn't need an introduction to this mess, so I'll keep the recap short. Noble Romance Publishing has screwed me, as well as other authors, and is now infringing on my copyright. When Jill Noble abruptly left and started her smear-campaign against the authors she left in the lurch, I had my eyes opened in a really big way. When the new CEO, Jean Gombart, took over and asked authors to contact him regarding issues, etc., I did so. Got no response. So I waited a week or so to send the contractually obligated certified letter outlining what I viewed as breaches of contract. Most of those items listed were relatively minor, and I could have lived with them if the CEO had acted professionally and responded to me. But one issue was a major breach – I am still owed royalties on each of my books. We're going on near 18 months on one of them now. Anyway, the certified letter giving them 90 days to correct the breaches went ignored, never mind unanswered. I doubt they even opened the envelope. My numerous follow-up emails have also been ignored, as has the second certified letter I sent stating that I exercised my right to terminate the contracts and that they no longer have the right to sell my books.

Still – not even an acknowledgement of my existence. Oh, I get a royalty check each month – but so far, nothing on what's owed me. I went so far as to comment on their Facebook page, but my comments are deleted, because we wouldn't want to hurt the other authors they are promoting and acknowledge to the public that there are unhappy (and furious) authors. WTF? In other words, the ones who either are (un)lucky enough not to have any issues, so they are stuck waiting out their contracts, or are genuinely happy there. Hey it happens, I get that. But as long as Noble keeps stealing selling my books, I'm a Noble author too, so why do I get ignored as if I'm not even real? The one person who did respond to me assured me they would forward my email to Mr. Gombart. I don't believe that ever happened, and even if it did, it didn't change anything. This person who calls himself a CEO refuses to respond to me in any way. I'm trying to recall if maybe I ran over his kid, or his puppy, or something heinous like that to deserve such ill treatment at the hands of someone who claims to want to grow the business and its authors. Ha!

Then I hear they opened up a new author's loop, but authors are not allowed to comment in or participate in any way. It's only for Noble staff to pass along info. They don't want to hear about issues authors have, only the happy good thoughts. Give me a break. I didn't get an invite for quite a while anyway, not until I made a fuss with someone who hadn't yet gotten the memo to ignore me, claiming they didn't have my email address – um, hello? Does anyone on Noble's staff communicate in any way? I do get those statements each month via email – just because someone's in a "different office" doesn't mean you can't get my email address. The more I hear from these people, the more disgusted I become.

The best one is the latest – I made a comment on Twitter to their @NRP_Submissions timeline. I was immediately unfollowed. At first I thought I was blocked too, since I could no longer reply to tweets, but I actually can do that by typing in their Twitter name and making my post. Which I will continue to do. Since they don't see fit to respond to me otherwise, proving again how childish and unprofessionally they are behaving.

I just don't understand why. My books with Noble are not selling well, so why go to all this trouble to keep them up for sale, and infringe on my copyright?  Why not just let it go – give me my rights back and it's done. They never have to hear from me again.  I will take my titles and publish them elsewhere, and do a whole lot better.

I have no qualms about sharing this over and over and over again as publicly as I can and need to. I'm not stating anything untrue – I have adhered to the terms of the contract, Noble has not, and clearly has no intention of doing so. Anyone thinking of signing a contract with them, trust your gut when it tells you it's not a good idea. If Noble hadn't been my last shot at getting published a few years ago, I would have listened a lot more closely to that inner voice.

In the meantime, I continue to battle on.

The Need to Help

Everyone is aware of the horror that visited Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT last week. I first heard about it in between mall stops while I was Christmas shopping, and at that point, being still early in the day, no one really knew just how horrific it would turn out to be. Each time I got in the car and heard the latest update, I couldn't believe it. It was far too much for anyone to bear, and I've done quite a bit of crying in the last several days.

My little guy just turned 8. Seeing all those little faces, so similar to my son and all his friends, left me by turns shocked, numb, angry, and aching so badly I thought it would never end. I haven't shed this many tears in a long time. And then I think of the parents suffering through this and I start all over again. I can and can't put myself in their shoes. I can because I am one of them, my child is still innocent and sweet and has his whole life ahead of him, and to lose him or my daughter would destroy me. And I can't because I'm not experiencing such a devastating and wrenching loss. I am so grateful for that, and yet at the same time, I want to be with those parents and hold them and wish I could take away their pain. I can't. No one can, ever. There's only one thing that would ease their despair, and it's not something any of us can give them.

The talk of gun control has reached an unbelievable crescendo, and that's a good thing. I'm not going to go into that here though – I agree something needs to be done, but I don't know exactly what that is. I don't think anyone does at this point, but guns aren't the only issue with this situation. The gunman was a very sick individual – normal, healthy, adjusted people don't do these sorts of things. And that is another thing I'm hearing of in the aftermath – treating and recognizing mental illness and giving (or more importantly, not cutting off) the families of those afflicted the resources they need to deal with that issue.

But that's also not why I wanted to share my feelings. I'm grieving as most of us are. I want to do something, anything, but I feel helpless. I've looked over the various funds that have sprung up and determined where I can send some money. It's not a lot, but if it can provide someone with much needed grief-counseling, or expenses, or other support to survive this, I feel I've done something to help. But it doesn't do anything to ease this need to help in some greater way.

I've made a lot of donations this year – clothes, food, toys. Our area was hit hard by Sandy in the fall, and we had so much and were so lucky, that I gave away bags and bags of things that others needed more desperately than my family did. I felt like I'd done something really productive – I helped feed and clothe a couple of families who lost everything, and I hopefully made the holidays a little brighter for children who would not otherwise have their usual holiday cheer.

But this is different. I feel powerless and weak, even as I click that Pay button. It just doesn't seem like enough. I've thought of sending condolence cards, but then I think they're probably getting hundreds of thousands of those. Then I saw the #26ActsofKindness trending on Twitter and dug a little deeper. I read Ann Curry's tweets, and I realized this was something I could do to honor those lost in this senseless tragedy. I let people trying to make a left go, I let two people in front of me at the post office last night because I knew I'd take much longer than they. It's not much, but it's something, and I will keep it up – a way to remember the angels who needlessly lost their lives.

And maybe, since there are so many people doing this, we can learn to change ourselves, even if just a little bit, to be kinder, gentler people, it may have an even bigger impact on all of us in the long run. Those little children and the heroic teachers and administrators deserve to be honored in exactly that way.

What Do You Buy for the Guy Who Wants Nothing?

Literally. My husband is THE most difficult person to buy presents for. Um, well, not quite. My mom is worse because she just buys herself whatever she wants whenever she wants. *waves* Hi Mom! :D

Anyway, now that the holidays are upon us, it's time for the phone calls from various family members, usually his. "What does he want?" "Does he have one of these?" "Do you think he'll like this?"

And I never know what to say. I never know what the hell to get him myself, and I have the double pleasure of having to buy him something from the kids. I'm usually pretty easy – I always have a list of "love to have" things that I can tell people to pass along to those who ask. But my husband just refuses.

"Just get me a shirt, it's all I want." I just want to smack him sometimes. No one wants to buy him a shirt, not when he already has 879 of them! I try to explain there's a big part of holiday gift-giving that focuses on the giver, and the thought they put into getting something they hope you'll love. Asking me to tell them to just get him a shirt just kind of spoils it for me.

Even harder, is with his family, we pick names, and everyone is expected to spend a certain amount on the person whose name they picked. A shirt that will cover that amount will not be a shirt my husband wears.

Every year, I try to come up with something interesting. Something he might have fun with. Bought a tabletop casino game – blackjack, poker and craps. We like to do AC and gamble, so I thought he'd like that.

It's in the closet. Has been for about six years now. Think we used it once.

The three teams in our house are the NY Rangers, the NY Giants, and the NY Mets. I've gotten jackets, calendars, mouse pads, framed prints of big moments. But you can only buy someone so much sports-related paraphernalia before it becomes just clutter. Though the 360 degree view picture of the Garden the night the Rangers won the cup in '94 (we were there in our regular seats!) is in full view in the family room.

Tools often work, but he's picky about what he wants and says he really needs. Again, I remind him holiday gifts are not about needing (though I'd be thrilled with a new microwave this year. Maybe a dishwasher? And we desperately need a new car), they're about making someone happy. A shirt isn't going to do that – not from his perspective anyway. If he was a woman and enjoyed clothes as I do, I might think he'd have a point. But I've seen him open shirts before, he gives it a nice perusal, says thank you with a kind. happy smile and puts it away.

I'm sorry, but when you open a Christmas gift, the reaction should be "Oh cool, this is really neat! Thank you so much! I love/wanted this!"  I try to pick gifts for people that will bring that reaction, because there's nothing better than giving someone something they really would like but probably wouldn't buy for themselves. When he stands in front of something and admires it, I know that's something that he'd yell at me for spending the money on, but be thrilled I got if for him. I have had to tell him on several occasions to "STFU and just be glad I know what you want and took the time to get it for you!"

But anyway, here we are again. Here come the phone calls and the emails and my daughter cornering me to remind me we have to get Dad a "good" present. I know. I dread this about as much as I dread his birthday because it causes such stress, when all he has to do is just find me something he wants, no matter how frivolous it seems to him. Look in the catalogs, check the sale flyers and emails. Surely there's got to be something to tickle his impractical side! No one wants to be practical with a holiday gift (though if someone wants to pick me up that microwave, I have no objections!), they want to please your inner child.

Maybe that's the problem. He's forgotten how to be a child. Good thing I haven't! Not that it's helping me much as I plan my shopping missions.